"If you found out that someone had lied to you about something
significant from the beginning, would you want to rebuild the
relationship or walk away? What is your personal ‘line of tolerance on
honesty’?"
Well well well. What an interesting question.
My answer?
It depends on what the lie is about. If it's something that affects MY trust of the person in regards to future lying, then I'll probably show them the door. If not, then it just depends. I'm a fairly open-minded and tolerant individual MOST of the time. (I think...)
For example, if Master said to me today that he is actually married? I would never speak to him again. It would be done, just like that. If he told me that he had another child that he's refused to talk about? I'd be gone, just like that. If he told me he's a pedophile? That would be it. I think those are probably deal-breakers for nearly everyone. Those are major lies, really.
However, if Master told me that he'd been thinking about something and just didn't know how to say it for all this time, or maybe had proven amnesia, that might be forgivable. (Pedophiles are not forgivable, nor are any of the other points given in the previous paragraph.)
Perhaps a friend tells me after 10 years of friendship that he/she is gay/lesbian. My response? So what? Doesn't affect my feeling of friendship. Doesn't affect my trust. It's an example of them having hidden something from everyone, even maybe themselves. I can't fault anyone for that. If my Master decides he's gay (Impossible, not even unlikely just flat impossible!) but IF HE DID... hypothetically speaking, I would be upset, but I couldn't be angry. As a matter of fact, I would ease his passage into another life with someone because I love him. The change of sexual orientation is not a sudden thing. However, it is such a socially charged issue that people are well-versed in lying to themselves as well as everyone else, hiding for their own mental and emotional survival. They try and try to live the way they are "supposed" to, and most people find that after a time, they cannot continue walking the path of lying to themselves with such deep unhappiness in their lives. I cannot fault someone for not even being willing to open their own eyes and look into themselves until they feel safe to do so. As a matter of fact, I would feel honored that someone chose to share such a deeply hidden thing with me, even if that took time. Don't get me wrong, it would be heartbreaking and I would be upset as hell, but it would be the personal change for me, about which I would be upset. It would never affect my friendship with my Master or significant other.
I think the gist of this whole idea is intent and type/depth of relationship. It matters one helluva lot if a lie is deliberately, maliciously kept secret by another person who initiates, pursues, and continues an intimate relationship with me, despite knowing it will hurt me.
Comparison for comparison's sake.
Premeditated lying... like premeditated murder, that is a big deal. You intend to harm and you do it with careful planning. ("Oh sorry, did I forget to mention that I'm already married?" WTF!!)
Manslaughter is an accidental death caused by another person, it is still punishable by law because someone died. Same with lies such as sexual orientation. You didn't go out of your way to hurt anyone, you went out with the intention of living "a normal life," and when you realized something important as an issue, then someone else gets hurt by what is a complete accident of eventual revelation.
Basically I'm saying that, "Oops, I'm actually already married," (knowing it beforehand) versus "Oops, actually I'm gay," (level of self-deception in order to comply with society and familial demands) shows a huge gap on the lie factor scale between one another. Either way, I'd be hurt, but I would survive it, that I guarantee you. ;)
