Loneliness and insecurity are often my companions.
“There is no shame in being fearful. It is only a shame to remain so.” -a grateful slave and Guy Baldwin, SlaveCraft.
Is it possible to live without doubts? Can doubts be a positive thing to have?
I don't know of a single person who lives without doubts. I haven't met one. I've never heard of one. There are even sayings about doubts. "If in doubt, don't (do it)."
Are doubts positive? Do doubts have a potential positive effect on a person? Depends I suppose. If you doubt that you have the capability to leave your abusive husband then doubt is a horrifying monster that might keep you captive until your very possible but untimely and painful death. If you doubt that you can jump off a fifteen story building and live, then of course it reverts to choice and people notoriously choose not to jump off. "Try it and see" has some boundaries, so it seems.
Are there regular doubts? Probably. Seems a good many people doubt they should marry and so they do not. I believe the term for diving out of potential marriage while engaged is "getting cold feet." The term once married changes to "divorce." Probably better to doubt beforehand and not go through with it. But that's just an example.
What happens when you make decisions with the best information you have at the time, then develop doubts along the way? Do you question everything you've done? How sane is that, considering you did the best you could with what you knew at the time?
Better yet, what if you know what is PROBABLY best, but you simply cannot do it for some reason? You doubt the choice you made was a good one, but you simply do not have the emotional strength to do something different? Or perhaps you doubt yourself and your choices so much that you get mired in one spot? With the agony later of finding that you should have done something when you did nothing, then perhaps you question yourself more.
I can't say if doubts should be relegated to "good" or "bad." Such judgment seems to be irrelevant. Personal doubt that conflicts your inner being, however... that is not necessarily a good thing.
I can say that doubts rule me. I question and re-question myself all the time. Thus I am insecure and do not tend to stay in relationships when I might be able to forge through them with professional help. I'm beginning to think that either I've chosen all the wrong men all this time (except for my Master) or that I simply do not have the strength nor resolve (or give-a-shit as it were) to work through problems with full commitment to another human being. I'm not always the problem, but my choice to get with a person makes me doubt whether or not I'm making good choices. Better to stay alone sometimes for some of us. Then doubt can't eat us alive. Insecurity is killing me!
Hm. Thoughts on this might progress further on.
