A moment of silence passed and then I rated my current sense of self. I am sitting at about a 9 through 17 (yes all of them) with a 21 & 22 thrown in for good measure. How awful! No wonder I'm on antidepressants because I've felt all of those things ever since I discovered how difficult it would be to get my Sir here.
However. There have been changes. Updates.
The waiver was approved. New documents have been sought and obtained. The Visa will pass and he will be here in possibly one month. The problems I had with young son and all the doubts from a week or so ago were dealt with cleanly by my Sir, my son and I all over Skype the very same night I wrote them. Sir did it perfectly well despite my doubts. That's why He's in charge, you see. *Grin*
I do not want to feel these things anymore. I am of the understanding that it is a simple change of mind to change the feelings. I simply quit smoking. I simply quit drinking. I am positive I can BE positive and simply change my way of looking at things, my way of feeling. It HAS TO BE that way. There is nothing I cannot accomplish. I know it.
Truly since the waiver passed I have hovered around Contentment with a bit of Boredom. (Because we still wait.) Now in the excitement, I have allowed my attorney to give me the next set of paperwork. What did I see? Not success so far, but rather fury that there is so much more. And fear. Always the fear. It seems if you do not dance properly with the government, they will remove your dancing pass.
Fortunately, I am very good at waiting. I had no idea of my patience. I can wait a very long time, mostly calmly. I have my moments, but I am learning. Always learning, are we not? Oddly enough, I see that in my early life my 1-7 was fueled by 10 and 17-20. How out of balance! It worked at the time but even then I knew something was not right. Sometimes we only need a tool, a picture of how it works, then it all falls into place.
For me, my pride may be my downfall. I am used to getting what I want; I am used to doing whatever needs to be done to ensure that I get what I want. However, WHEN I get what I want is beyond my control. There is where I will have to focus my patience. Not only patience for the timing and things beyond my control, but patience for myself as well. Stay in the 1-7 range. Without the lows, would we appreciate the highs? No. Without the highs, the lows will drag us into despair and depression. Balance.
My goal: Achieve balance.
