For as long as I have been alive, when there is a situation that is dire, I have had the ability to focus, to remain calm, cool and collected. I'm talking deep water calm like a deep cold lake with a shiny unmarred surface. I am the mountain that does not move in the harshest wind nor storm. I can thank my mother for giving me lots of practice for this. I tell you now that this is the ONLY strength that I have ever acknowledged having, and it is because my first husband mentioned it in surprised awe when he truly thought I would kill him. (Funny how people underestimate me, and yes, I prefer it that way, that way when I surprise them with my abilities, I have the upper hand in every situation while they recover from the shock. It buys time.)
Today I am able to list and acknowledge other personal strengths. Not strengths others have pointed out to me, as when others point something out, none of them know me well enough to be able to say anything beyond professional skill level.
Before I go into my personal strengths, I think you should see the list.
The List
Strengths of Wisdom and Knowledge: Cognitive strengths that entail the acquisition and use of knowledge
- 1. Creativity [originality, ingenuity]: Thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualize and do things.
- 2. Curiosity [interest, novelty-seeking, openness to experience]: Taking an interest in ongoing experience for its own sake; exploring and discovering.
- 3. Open-mindedness [judgment, critical thinking]: Thinking things through and examining them from all sides; weighing all evidence fairly.
- 4. Love of learning: Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge, whether on one's own or formally.
- 5. Perspective [wisdom]: Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to oneself and to other people.
- 6. Bravery [valor]: Not shrinking from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain; acting on convictions even if unpopular.
- 7. Persistence [perseverance, industriousness]: Finishing what one starts; persisting in a course of action in spite of obstacles.
- 8. Integrity [authenticity, honesty]: Presenting oneself in a genuine way; taking responsibility for one's feeling and actions.
- 9. Vitality [zest, enthusiasm, vigor, energy]: Approaching life with excitement and energy; feeling alive and activated.
- 10. Love: Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated.
- 11. Kindness [generosity, nurturance, care, compassion, altruistic love, "niceness"]: Doing favors and good deeds for others.
- 12. Social intelligence [emotional intelligence, personal intelligence]: Being aware of the motives and feelings of other people and oneself.
- 13. Citizenship [social responsibility, loyalty, teamwork]: Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group.
- 14. Fairness: Treating all people the same according to notions of fairness and justice; not letting personal feelings bias decisions about others.
- 15. Leadership: Encouraging a group of which one is a member to get things done and at the same maintain time good relations within the group.
- 16. Forgiveness and mercy: Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting the shortcomings of others; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful.
- 17. Humility / Modesty: Letting one's accomplishments speak for themselves; not regarding oneself as more special than one is.
- 18. Prudence: Being careful about one's choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted.
- 19. Self-regulation [self-control]: Regulating what one feels and does; being disciplined; controlling one's appetites and emotions.
- 20. Appreciation of beauty and excellence [awe, wonder, elevation]: Appreciating beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in various domains of life.
- 21. Gratitude: Being aware of and thankful of the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks.
- 22. Hope [optimism, future-mindedness, future orientation]: Expecting the best in the future and working to achieve it.
- 23. Humor [playfulness]: Liking to laugh and tease; bringing smiles to other people; seeing the light side.
- 24. Spirituality [religiousness, faith, purpose]: Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose, the meaning of life, and the meaning of the universe.
That was the list. Phew. A lot to live up to to recount my own strengths instead of focusing on my weaknesses. Here goes:
I am creative, curious, open-minded and tend to keep perspective. Depression can shift my perspective but I am aware of it. I don't really love to learn new things as I spend a lot of energy trying to survive as it is (thanks depression) and I cannot seem to focus long on learning something new so unless I'm on my own (wherein I do well) then any group or instructor tends to get frustrated with me.
I can say that my courage has shifted with the depression as well. Bravery I have in great abundance, persistence I had more than I thought possible. Integrity shifts with my energy level. If I say I'll do something then I do my level best to follow through but if a depression hits me, then I'm reduced to survival and no more. I do not remember having very much vitality since my childhood, when everything was a wonder.
I have to laugh about the humanity part. I have love for those close to me, and a devil-may-care attitude about everyone else, but I would still give a complete stranger the shirt off my back because I'm a kind person. I have plenty of social intelligence, which is colored tremendously by my jadedness. Backstabbing had a really good party, me as its prime target and as a result I don't really like to let people close to me. I used to be a really good friend, I'd say that I have chosen to keep people at a distance because I don't need the crap that comes with other people. (Trust issues huh. Ha!)
While I never lost my sense of fairness, I am JUST getting back in touch with the other two Justice strengths. As I've kept people distant, so have I also not involved myself in community. Fortunately, I have a coworker who gently (and sometimes not so gently) prods me into forms of community service. My citizenship is growing again, as well as my leadership. In fact, if I ask for it, I will have a leadership role that will greatly strengthen my parched citizenship skills.
Ahhh Temperance. I duly lack almost every strength on this list. Forgiveness and mercy? Forget it. Humility and modesty? Actually I have a great deal of both when it comes to myself and I have used those both as a reason to beat myself internally so they need strengthening in the right way now. Prudence, it seems to depend on the situation. I don't smoke or do drugs. I don't go out partying. However, I will stay up too late reading a book or playing on the computer knowing all the while that I have to get up at 6 the next morning. Self-regulation. In every way except diet and exercise, I have self-regulation in leaps and bounds. As I said, I don't smoke or do drugs. I rarely drink and then only one with weeks and months inbetween.
Transcendence has got the whole deal covered, hands down. Appreciation of beauty and excellence along with my sense of humor have been the constants in my life. Despite depression. Despite everything. Those things rule me, they connect me back to the earth. I'm not a spiritual person in terms of a higher power, never will be. I do believe in staying in the here and now, being grateful for what I have personally and for what we have as a family, and keeping hope in spite of the darkness that inevitably falls, no matter how long it covers me until the light returns. The light ALWAYS returns. As a matter of fact, the humor and appreciation give me light when everything is darkest.
I am fortunate. I have wonderful strengths. Perhaps if Master wishes for me to expound on any of this later on as specific journal topics, then I can explain WHY I think I have those strengths. But that is another day.
Thank You, Sir, for being my light in what is sometimes a very dark and shadowy existence.
I love you.
