* "Ma'am, your air conditioner pump sounds like it's going out." (Already??? I just had a new one put in last year?!?!?)
* Upon finally managing to get to Moab after deviating from the path with a week of child illnesses, my brother and his wife sally forth yesterday, only to have to return home today because two of the children are apparently still tossing their cookies. (I hope I don't catch that, whatever it is!)
* The Rodeo is this weekend, will you be making an appearance? Uhhh dunno but probably. (Shit! What do you mean it's the end of May already!)
By the way, the title does have meaning and I'll explain that now:
complacent means 'pleased or satisfied with how things are, with how they affect one's self,' 'self-satisfied, smug'; complaisant means 'attempting or eager to please or satisfy,' 'obliging, affable'
Complacent thus refers to a state of mind and complaisant to a disposition to behave or conduct oneself in a way that pleases or satisfies others.
Wonderful slave words, aren't they? *wink*
Onward.
These days have been satisfying and laid back. Why? Hell if I know. I've accomplished a bit during this time and I am starting to realize that I have begun to see value in the time I take to rest. I also get a lot done. For example, I got to plant my rosebush on Monday as well as a few other little lovelies. I read at least 4 books over the weekend. I still got most of the laundry done. I don't have a crazy drive to play online games like I used to - rather go out and garden or maybe walk the dogs, or more likely get things done in the house.
A point of positivity in my eyes: While it caused some minor consternation with both my son and my Master, I purchased my own Mother's Day present, rather than languish in the double-cross of pain that my own mother is gone. My son doesn't have opportunity nor ability to get anything. Master doesn't have that either; we focus everything we've got on getting him here. I'm fine with that. Actually I'm rather pleased with myself for getting myself a present. I don't do that often. I'll concede to books because they are inexpensive, but this was special. A rotisserie grill. I cannot wait to put the roast on tonight. The chicken was mouthwatering!
Easy going days... they have been. You know, I believe it's resulting from an attitude shift in my head. It's a great shift too! Just a few days ago I was reading and shifted, a breast got caught under me and it hurt. As usual, I wrenched my poor breast out from under myself viciously BUT THEN... I pet & cuddled my breast like it was a poor little wounded animal and praised it for being a beautiful breast. I praised them both then, both breasts. (Yeah I know! What the hell! This was unusual when I usually think self-deprecating, self-loathing thoughts!) AND THEN... I actually looked down the length of my resting body and praised my body for being a good body, a perfect body. I said to myself with complete certainty that I have a good and perfect body, that there is nothing wrong with my body and I love my body. (Usually I'm pretty awful to myself in my thoughts. I am well aware that I am overweight, covered-with-self-inflicted-sores, & completely uninterested in exercise.) My eyes have nothing wrong with them and I have a good brain, yet my own experiences blind me to the truth more often than not.
So what gives?? Why the change? I don't know.
An attitude shift toward my self-perception of my body, myself. A GOOD shift. It's what I've always wanted! I wish for it to last forever, that I should speak lovingly to myself and of myself forever, no matter what. I know there will still be battles because of the interior experience of negativity. But I am so proud of me for looking at myself with full love and acceptance and seeing myself with Master's eyes for a change.
I only know that as a result of this change, this shift in the perception of the self, that I have managed to retrieve a part of myself and salvage the preciousness that is me. I am tired, yet victorious. I am valiant and I will prevail. Master will be here and I will be worthy of Him. I am worthy now. He will mold me as He sees fit. He will help me to see my real self because I am His and He cares deeply for me.
My Master is precious.
(and I'm learning that I am precious as well)
