Look, I haven't read this book. I'm probably not going to read this book. There. I admitted it. It's not that the book wouldn't turn me on, I bet it would. But this isn't a critique of a book... it's a critique of the reactions generated...
A little history...
I didn't know a damn thing about the bondage world until three things happened. First off, I saw a little magazine advertising bondage supplies, you know, handcuffs, spreader bars and the like. Second, I read, "The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty," written by Anne Rice under the pseudonym of A. N. Roquelaure, and I discovered that I wasn't fucked up, I wasn't alone in this, there are others with such desires. Finally, I found my Master under terms that were strictly gaming partners followed by vanilla, and in a moment of jealousy I asked, "Just who is this EmeraldWolf?" Naturally, he explained that he had Dommed her for a bit. I had three reactions to that, by the way: Extreme jealousy, intense curiosity and the birthing of excitement.
Had I not found those books, which are wildly unrealistic in terms of real life D/s and M/s relationships, I would not have had a CLUE what he meant and I may not have questioned further. You see, my first husband caught me looking at that little magazine with my morbid fascination of those bondage devices, ripped it out of my hands and told me I didn't need that and that's not something I needed to be looking at. I felt shame and guilt. In a moment, my interest and related desire became a dark secret that burned within my skeleton-filled closet of wanton shame. It is rare for me to talk about sex, rarer still for me to open up about such desires as I have. One does not comprehend that one might find another individual who holds similar interests in the sexual deviancy field... one only hopes that one can keep such desires secret and not act upon them.
Suffice it to say that I grew up in a close-minded, close-mouthed world when it came to sexuality, let alone anything resembling BDSM. Though the Sleeping Beauty trilogy held impossible things within its lusty pages, it opened my mind up to possibilities previously unknown to me, and let me grasp my darkest desires firmly in both hands. I am a willful girl, a rebel, always fighting, always fighting... I will only ever submit to one man, my Master, Marc. I will never submit to another and never have previously. I will hold onto my dreams one way or another, and should they burn, they will rise from the ashes like a phoenix as my dreams tend to do.
I wouldn't have had those dreams without the knowledge and imagination in those pages, ohhhh Anne Rice writes so provocatively! Did I REALLY think that it was a good idea for someone to hang me up, paint honey on my twat, then let flies crawl all over it? Hell no! But what an image!
I imagine there was a furor over the Sleeping Beauty series, oh so long ago when it came out. There have been a few sarcastic references it over the years in TSR and Fetlife. BDSM folk hate those books, stating that it creates an unrealistic idea in the minds of would-be subs and Doms both, and that just causes problems in the BDSM world. But they forget, we were all so naive at one time. None of us were born with the knowledge of how to go about creating and participating in BDSM. We were taught, every single one of us. Not only were we taught, but we read, we watched, and still we each felt along, felt through our own way until we found what we each want for ourselves in such an arrangement. I, for one, could not possibly adhere to a life of a 24/7 slave who only serves in physical chores, never leaves the house, and has no sexual contact. I could not, I would not. But I know of those who do, some of whom have been doing that for decades and are perfectly happy with the arrangement. What about kajirae who believe in their hearts that men are dominant in every way, including intelligence, and to be served by women, no matter what man stands before them? Who am I to tell those folks that my way is the only right way? Well that's because it's not, see... it's only right for me. Just as their way is right for them and not for me.
So I see all of this bitching and complaining about 50 Shades of Grey now. I have some curiosity in reading it, but probably won't due to the hype. I have my own relationship and I don't need any more questions or distractions at this time. Maybe later. But complaining about it as if it's a handbook written by the devil himself? I don't see what all the fuss is about, truly!
50 Shades of Grey has opened up a new field for many women and men who were previously blind to the world of bondage. Not many will pick up a book on Gor these days, they're too hard to find. Not many will pick up an old Anne Rice book when all they think of is vampires when they see her name. Even if it is A.N. Roquelaure as the author, they now mention that it is a pseudonym for Anne Rice. With the latest flurry of sexual and intimate books with vampire, wereanimal and other paranormal characters, who's gonna go find an old Anne Rice book? Nope. 50 Shades of Grey it had to be. And what a smashing success! So many new people on the scene who are making it into fetlife and learning! They are learning they are not alone! They are learning that yes! There are even CLASSES about how to tie people up! They are (hopefully) learning safety! They are learning that there are rules. They are learning that there is no ONE RIGHT WAY to do this, that their own desires dictate the relationship and rules within their new path.
I had to remind myself the other day of this... that there is no "one right way." I have a friend who is a Domme, and she was complaining on FB about a male telling her that it's not all about her. She retaliated by telling him that yes, SHE is the Domme and it IS all about her. Well, that's not what I learned, but I've seen enough to know that yes, there are dominants out there who could give a shit less about what the sub wants, only wanting to use and abuse... and there are subs who want that too. Who am I to tell her that's wrong? She IS inexperienced, and she will find that if she limits herself, it is more difficult to find a play partner, let alone a lifetime commitment. But I digress.
The point is, I see the BDSM community split on this 50 Shades issue; some of them love the books and some of them hate the books. The ones who love them love the ideas within them and love how the book makes them feel. The ones who hate the books say that they are misleading and probably causing all sorts of danger and damage to women out in the world. Possibly. But so is the Bible. *arched brow* Think of entire tribes of men, women AND children laid to waste over an idea that there is only one right way.
Without launching into a religious rhetoric, I shall simply say this. 50 Shades of Grey is an eye opener for those who wish to open their eyes and learn more. It is a relief for those who have their closets full of skeletons and demons to learn that they really aren't bad or evil, and there are other people out there like them.
For those of you who don't like the book, do not read it. If you feel it promotes bad things, then stop bitching, get out there and TEACH so people can learn.
For those of you who love the book, welcome! Learn well, go to Fetlife read as much as you can! Take a Shibari class! Find out what a munch is, find one and go to it! There is a lot of information out there! Welcome home!
