* Do you ever fear of losing your own identity or sense of self within your service?
* Do you welcome the idea of losing your sense of self or identity?
* Do you believe it is possible -for you- to do so?
* Do you believe it would be (or that it is) healthy -for you- to do so?
Once my Master is finally here, yes, I fear the possible loss of my identity. Not sure why, as He seems to like who I am, but I have the feeling He intends to "polish" me until I shine with His light and His will. Why am I afraid of this? Perhaps it is because up until two years ago, I was always just me. Lonely until I realized I was my own best company. Still lonely sometimes, but me nonetheless.
In a way, I do welcome the possibility of losing my sense of self. In His service, feeling His ownership of me, I feel a rare serenity that is hardly felt otherwise. It would be nice to lose myself in that. To be held in His service only, and to be in charge of nothing else in this life, would relieve the burden from me of every other thing so that I would be lost in that serenity, focused on Him forever. Yes, that would be wonderful.
Is it possible? If it were just Master and I, it would certainly be possible. With a child in my life, I'm not so sure. I'm not even sure it is possible once my child hits majority (age 18 in this country) as children seem to have constant needs after the fact what with college and money binds now and then. I'm not sure children are really ready to be out on their own without anyone to help them until they're closer to 30. (Even though I did it... even though many others have done it as well...)
Would it be healthy for me to lose my sense of identity, my sense of self, within my service to my Master? Absolutely. This isn't a life for everyone though. There are some out there who finally feel at home within themselves as they answer the call within them to BE themselves. Not everyone is a submissive, not every submissive is a slave.
A submissive should maybe not lose their sense of self except possibly during their service. A slave can lose themselves for the remainder of their lifetime or with that Master. Some would believe it to be a lifetime of loss, but for a slave it is not a loss at all. It is the gaining of serenity and peace within. All burden removed. I can only wonder if perhaps this is not unlike the call to which the very religious answer when they join a convent or become a monk. That is different, as one is lost in the service of a god or goddess, but my Master IS my god to me.
I never was a religious person, but this man makes me find myself within my service. For me, losing my sense of self and achieving serenity instead is a far greater call than forging ahead with all the fears and uncertainty I've had my whole life. I've walked the road less travelled, to be sure, but it led me to Him, and that's all that matters to me.
I love You, Master. Thank you. *bows head in submission and serenity*
