Service mode, health, & internal peace online - part 2

Every M/s relationship has its own rules, made by the Master of that relationship. Many Masters only care about what a slave can do for them. Those aren't Masters, they just call themselves so. A true Master cares about the well-being of His slave. A slave is property. A Master who lets other property types go to hell (such as cars, houses & whatnot), will also not care properly for their slave. Scary!

Fortunately, I do not have this type of Master!

My priority is my Master and for the best service to him, I must first be in good health for my Sir. In other words, if I'm having a health issue (be it physical, emotional or mental), then I probably should take care of that first. There will be a world of difference in how this is attained once He is here, of that I am certain. For one thing, there will be "hands on" and not just me trying to puzzle things out in my head or with the limitations of Skype.

For some reason, it is hard for me to accept that I must focus on myself first in any way. In my idea of proper service, it seems to me that my problems should take a backseat. My idea of good service means doing things for Him before anything else. However, looking at His rules it's perfectly clear that He has always put my health as a priority.

We operate within the limits of being online so I am to greet Him once at home, He chooses my clothing for work and at home, He chooses what and when I eat. For my health He has added vitamins and my bedtime is much earlier so I get enough rest. Eventually when He is here there will be the addition of His laundry, cooking & serving His food, etc.

Perfectly clear, right? Yes, except that because of my apparent difficulty to shift from work mode to service mode, I'm having trouble focusing and staying on task here.

He wishes for me to greet Him once I get home, yet lately I've been slipping and letting myself be preoccupied with other things first. Though I'm sure he's noticed, He has said nothing until just before He left for work today. I'm not sure if He waited for me to snap back into my place or if He has just been immersed in other things. He has plenty of stress in His own life!

Why have I not stayed in place here?? What is my problem? I enjoy serving Him! I love my Master completely! I know I find my peace is when I am in "service" mode. My mind returns to the basics here. What is wrong with me?? Then, if that is not bad enough, knowing that I have been slipping and that He already has plenty to deal with in His own life without my added theatrics, I added to His already full plate! This morning I asked Master if He would come up with some service oriented things. *groan with a face palm*

I feel terrible doing this! Asking Him to help me! I feel as if I should be capable of taking full care of myself here! How could I possibly need more rules when I am already not doing as He wishes? I don't know. Now I am confused and I feel terrible.

GUILT!

Well, at this moment He is at work. When He reads this, then my laxity has not yet been dealt with, He will do so then. I will let him know that I have written in here with my questions and my uncertainty and my obvious lack of tenacity in the service department.

He will know what to do. He always knows what to do.

I am a very lucky girl here and I know it. I have a Master who gives freely so much of His energy and time to His girl! At times He bends His whole thought upon me so that He can find the best way to assert His will and help me stay on course. He understands this girl like no other ever has or ever will. He has wished to know this girl in a way no other ever cared to.

I feel that the reason behind my lack of good service is that I have allowed daily life to intrude in such a way that I have been unable to achieve a shift from my work persona to my service mode. Thus I am back to the original issue. I find that I must accept that in order to best serve my Master, I must first ensure my own good health. I have made many changes and limited so many things, yet it is clear it is not enough for me to stay on track.

I am sure Sir will think all this over and when He is ready He will guide me in whatever way He knows I best need it from Him. In a way, I worry about this as it may lead to some strict discipline and always when there is discipline, there is more guilt for me because it is not just me being punished, but Him as well. I don't like being punished, I'm not one who craves such a thing. Worse still is the idea that I am causing Him grief. *sigh* When will I learn to not hurt Him with my ignorance?