Being owned and being submissive; these are two entirely different concepts. Being "aware" of those things brings them into yet another light (or I could be making this far more complicated than it is. LOL!) There is also the concept that domination may contribute to the awareness of being owned. (But do confuse Dominance with domination)
I feel submissive almost all the time now that I know what I am. My submissiveness shows more and more as I age and become enriched as a being. I am aware of my submissiveness every time I take a different action than a non-submissive would. I will be quiet and talk to Master about how to approach a problem, work up to it and finally confront it. This process can take days or weeks & sometimes months for me to accomplish, a fact that probably irritates several people. But I digress
I most aware of my submissiveness to my Master when I am at peace. When I am bowing to my Master, when I have cuffs on, this is when I feel that calm, deep peace within me. I may have a chaotic mess in my head, but as soon as I bow my head to him, I can touch upon that inner calm and I mellow out. In many ways, this has been a mercy, for if left to my own devices I tend to allow life to take over and run ME rather than the other way around.
I am most aware of being owned when I have my cuffs on. However, sometimes at night when it's time to go to bed, it feels as if I'm just putting wrist cuffs on out of habit. I'm so used to having the ankle cuffs on all the time that I feel naked without them. Wrist cuffs, however, tend to get in the way of things so I don't wear them until it's time for bed. They get wet when I'm doing anything with water; they get soiled if I'm cleaning or cooking; they seriously inhibit my ability to type at the computer and that gets in the way of our communication in a completely unacceptable way. Eventually Master wishes to get steel ones that are oval-shaped for my wrists. They'll match my collar and I'm sure the comments will roll in when people notice them - it may very well look as if I've just stepped off the slave set for a movie. Haha! I can't wait! *grin*
There are other times where I feel owned and submissive: 1) When He uses "the voice" on me. If I am in trouble or need to calm down and I'm not responding to His regular voice, He turns it up a notch. I notice then, I'll tell you! 2) If W/we are together and He touches me, I feel that submission. Doesn't matter what touch, gentle or forceful, I feel that ownership.
On touch: Master & I are both VERY touch-oriented people. It is how we operate best within ourselves in our lives - with require that reassuring and reminding touch with one another. It is a hell that we are separated! Having not had as much time as I probably need to experience more, I cannot tell you whether or not forceful touch has a different effect, YET. Gentle touch and bed-wrestling I have experienced, but it was when our relationship was new and every moment was a wild & desperate passion wherein we knew our time together was limited. Our relationship has matured and become more established. We have moved past the "new" to "settled" and in most (vanilla) relationships, this is where some folks get into trouble. We are unable to really experience anything beyond the light Master/slave relationship we have because of our inability to touch and live with one another on a daily basis. I look forward to the day when I can know how forceful touch will affect me! It is with trembling excitement and great longing that I await our real life together! To be able to run my hands over Him. Ohhhh yes.
This girl misses You, Sir. Very very much. We will make it!
