From my brief time with Master in person, I know that 24/7 face-to-face M/s is much different than online M/s. With this in mind, I find I sometimes have difficulty to switch from my "professional persona" to "service mode" without the accompaniment of His guiding touch. I'm not sure how easy it will be to switch back and forth once Master is here, but we will figure that out when the time comes. He will know what to do; He always does.
With my slave tendencies, I tend to be submissive all the time. This doesn't
work out well at my place of employment so I struggle and put on a
professional persona when I'm at work. Once I am fully home, I am supposed to switch into service mode. However, this switch is hard for me to accomplish quite often. Going into learning mode is also difficult.
Should I learn how to stay in service mode while at work? Is that possible? What about in other aspects of life such as grocery shopping, dealing with normal issues, or when I'm visiting on facebook?
Being naturally submissive, I find that the easiest & probably best way for me to deal with other people is with courtesy and civility. However, many times other people seem to want to force me out of my submissive self. People sense my submission and they judge it as weakness immediately. It looks to me as if humanity carries a natural aggressive tendency to attack if they perceive a weakness in another. Whatever the reason for their attack, regrettably, my flaw here is that I have not yet learned how to not take things personally. Perhaps I must change how I think about what is personal: Things that take away
from my time with Master, my child, my home; that's personal. I don't understand how those things could not be personal. Will that change with Internal Enslavement?
In trying to deal with my the difficulty shifting from "professional persona" to "service mode," I have minimized my stress in many ways. I changed or stopped a great many things that contributed negativity rather than positivity in my life: I don't visit family. I'm not on facebook much anymore. I don't fraternize with coworkers or anyone else. I have fewer pets. I don't focus every waking moment on the lengthy process of Master's immigration into this country. I keep my opinions to myself (mostly). I voluntarily isolate myself from other
people. These things have helped, but it is
not enough, I know there is more for me to work on so that I can be in
service mode all of the time.
If things affect my emotional and mental health, I lose my internal peace, my ability to remain in service mode, and my ability to continue learning in nearly every way. What a paradox! If I am to enter & remain in service mode, I must be at internal peace. Though learning can be done without service mode, I must have either internal peace or a good attitude and happiness within.
Questions! Questions! Always questions!
