"There is a strong power that can be gained through surrender. It is not a
power that comes from manipulation or passive-aggressive control over
another person. Instead, it is a peaceful, internal power that fills the
heart and soul of the slave who recognizes the pleasure that quiet
obedience gives to an Owner."
OMG yes. Yes yes absolutely yes. I struggled my whole life with internal & external strife, rages from pressure-cooker type anger, depressions... there was never peace, let alone Peace with a capital P (the kind I get from my submission to Master).
At first the idea of BDSM caught my interest, but it was purely domination in the bedroom and nowhere else. I was used to being the alpha in every day life, even if unconsciously I was trying to be submissive. Why did I know I liked submission in the bedroom then, you ask? I liked being spanked. I liked having my hair pulled. I liked being tied down and blindfolded, even though I'd only managed to talk one of my ex-husbands into trying that once. (He didn't like it so it never happened again - *shrug*) As a matter of fact, having my hair pulled at my nape provides such a strong reaction that I can orgasm from that alone.
How'd it progress beyond the bedroom then, you ask? When I found out that Master is a Master. Before that, we were on the road to being a perfectly vanilla, albeit kinky and exploratory, couple. Once I got over my initial surprise and reactional (yet internalized) jealousy of his previous sub, I became curious, then intrigued.
Jealousy. Over Emerald Wolf. I know he had other subs. Am I jealous of any of them? Well yes. ALL of them, really. (I'm still working on that jealousy thing about people long past and gone from His life, and it surprises & upsets me that it's an issue for me). Silly, but I completely understand and feel monogamy with this man, and the idea of not wanting to share is paramount in my mind. He's excellent - best fit for me I've ever had in every way. I truly believe we were made for one another. Having come from a polyamory life, however, I can see how some other females might go after him even if he's mine. And that... pisses me off. Just the thought of it.
But I digress.
This was to be about that inner peace. Hmm. Well at this point I believe it will be divided into two parts because it's very late and my brain has nearly quit working. The Golden Moment has passed. My fingers are refusing to hit the proper keys anymore. Typing has become arduous. :D Yes. Goodnight, I say!
